Well this year was just chalk full of celebrity craziness. THANK GOD! No you think I'm gonna start with Kanye, not so, I'm gonna start with Beyonce. Oh Beyonce, or is it Sasha? I never know these days. Let me preface this with I love Beyonce, I love her music and her spastic, ghetto dance moves that were probably taken from drag queens, along with her mane, I mean hair.
Firstly B, what is with the semi robot hand thing? Ever since the Singles Ladies video premiered I pondered to myself..."What the fuck is that?"
Jay-Z's engagement ring??
But I digress, the best parts of her crazy 75 girl performance was when she STOPPED the music, circa Britney in "You Drive Me Crazy" style. Then thanked the audience for standing then asking them "If your having a good time say........YUAH!!" Which just made me giggle, cause it was much like an elephant trumpeting. NOW WAIT WAIT.....WAIT. But the true piece de resistance was when she put the mic in front of the drunk white girl so she could sing (if thats what you want to call that) the heeeeeey from the song Shout. Well all I can say to B or Shasha or whatever the hell your name is, good job girl.
Where to next boys and girls? Next we will go into the Land the MADGE built. Madonna is many things, a great giver and supporter of charities, a master at reinvention, and constantly at the age of 40. What she's not is humble. Now lets think about if we were Madonna. How would you act if you had shitloads of cash, gays that would probably jump of bridges for you, and a hot young athlete who is about 30 years younger than you to bang at night? My guess is pretty fucking happy, and unable to judge the outside world and yourself properly (aka. Britney). Now I didn't know that Madonna was Micheal Jackson's clone, but there you go. Also Madonna made me feel very shamed to think that MJ might have been a child molester, and that I didn't buy his last album, but neither did she apparently. She tried, she failed with the worst ulogy you could have ever made, but at least it wasn't Jermaine up there.
Next stop on the Vicodin tour 2009 is my favorite ex-cocaine addict hermaphrodite. LADY GAGA! Now Miss Gaga is a whole new bucket of crazy to some folks, but us gays are not shocked. I've seen a drag queen fake an overdose on stage, so La Ga (new slang term for Lady Gaga) and her crazy outfits are nothing new to me. Now the song she preformed was her new single "Paparazzi" which I of course love. I personally would have like to see "LoveGame" but I got over it. Now what I was really impressed with was the fact she singed the whole time, and not Ashlie Simpson singing. Now what made me go "Oooooahhheee" was her BIG OL crazy eyes. Now I get the whole performance art thing she is doing. Especially the whole paparazzi/death thing. But wouldn't you love to have been a fly on the wall in say and Alamabian home when they were watching that. "Tarnation!!" Indeed.
Now to the ASSHAT of the night. Kanye West. Now the funny thing about that is, I knew people that were shocked at his behavior. This is the same Kanye that when he lost last year he was going to ban himself from MTV. He also said "fuck you" to alot of people too. So shocked I was not. But to do that to poor little Taylor Swift was just stupid. This is the girl that talked shit on the Jonas Brother after he broke up with her. This girl does not come to play, she'll castrate you. Was he a jackass like Obama said? Of course he is, but he always has been, and people still buy his records so I guess 50,000 people dont care. But I think that Kanye might have cut himself a little too deep because he was mean to a young white girl, and white people don't like that. Remember Kanye you have lots of money, make good music, and have loads of fans; but don't piss off the white people, those fuckers hold grudges.
Now I'm gonna end on a high note (LAAAAAA!!). Anyways the best of the night was all the dancers and my main girl Janet doing the tribute to Micheal Jackson. It was good to see Janet dancing and preforming the way she used to when I was a kid. I love her...period.
Well the VMAs had alot of good thing, some bad things, but mostly crazy celeb things. I just want to say thank you MTV. You might have gave us Speidi, which will send some of you to hell, but you've also given us moments that when we look at ourselves in the mirror we will always know we will never be that fucked up.
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