GEEK POST: Halo: ODST first impressions

So this is one of the first of the group of posts called Geek Posts. Geek Posts will always be about something geeky (mostly comic books and video games).

HALO: ODST First Impressions

Now I like Halo but I don't love it. When I play video games I usually play them alone without friends. And the single player campaign has always been one that was lacking something. The story of Halo is kinda bland and always seems like it was thought of second. Like Bungie decided to build multiplayer first then went back and did the story. And it's either extremely long and drawn out (Halo 2) or shorter and choppy (Halo 3). The story in every Halo game is also second behind the gameplay. The gameplay is not bad in anyway, but it can be very repetitive. Its just clear one area, move on to next area, clear, next, clear, next.

Now there is another game that is very much the same as Halo, but the fact that its story is better written makes it a much better game. This game is Modern Warfare. That story was amazing, and since it was blended so well with the gameplay it made the whole experience better. In Modern warfare you can tell the writers and game designers were in the same room, where as Halo makes it seem like they were in separate buildings.

But ODST takes the old story/gameplay convention of the past Halo games and changes everything. Finally the story moves the gameplay and not the other way around. Battles may be random but there is a reason for them, which makes it all fit into the world. In ODST you are trying to find out where your squad is and what happened to them. Your alone in this dark, desolate city, and you feel that. Then the gameplay makes a great shift when you find an artifact of your squad.

This is one of the best things about ODST. You are in this light/dark scenario, much like Link's Awakening. When you are in the city of New Mombasa as the Rookie it is dark and evil. You feel that any enemy can be behind you and death can hit you at any minute. However when you are playing the flashbacks of your squad its bright because there is actual sunlight. It feels alive and exciting. It immerses you in to the world of the Rookie and your squad, because the contrast makes you feel the character's emotions. Not many game companies can get this right but Bungie did with this one. In the past Halos the world never felt like it was one of a kind. It was just the snow level, the outside level, the temple level. Now with only being in New Mombasa Bungie was able to do all the little things that take you from playing a game, to making you feel like your in the game. (I know that was clique)

The Gayest Music Video

Now this is a Madonna music video I can support. Apparently all of the people in it are fans, and Madonna's children. At 2:45 you will see little Miss Lola. It's a fun video and I like the remix, but not as much as the original mix. Well Enjoy!

Whitney is BACK!

Her new video for Million Dollar Bill is out. Now I must say in this video the setting is a little "crack den" like. But her performance in the video is primo! Watch, discuss.

The VMAs, three days later

The crazy Video Music Awards or as I like to call them MTV's night of debautery. Remember when Madonna came out of the cake? Remember when Britney and Christina came out of the cakes?? Remember when Madonna kissed them!? Lesbianism....OMFG!! You know that MTV was pissed when Janet showed her nip on the SuperBowl and not there own network. They had been nurturing Janet's boobs for years!! What a slap in the face, or motorboat in the face...you know whatever your into.

Well this year was just chalk full of celebrity craziness. THANK GOD! No you think I'm gonna start with Kanye, not so, I'm gonna start with Beyonce. Oh Beyonce, or is it Sasha? I never know these days. Let me preface this with I love Beyonce, I love her music and her spastic, ghetto dance moves that were probably taken from drag queens, along with her mane, I mean hair.

Firstly B, what is with the semi robot hand thing? Ever since the Singles Ladies video premiered I pondered to myself..."What the fuck is that?"

Jay-Z's engagement ring??

But I digress, the best parts of her crazy 75 girl performance was when she STOPPED the music, circa Britney in "You Drive Me Crazy" style. Then thanked the audience for standing then asking them "If your having a good time say........YUAH!!" Which just made me giggle, cause it was much like an elephant trumpeting. NOW WAIT WAIT.....WAIT. But the true piece de resistance was when she put the mic in front of the drunk white girl so she could sing (if thats what you want to call that) the heeeeeey from the song Shout. Well all I can say to B or Shasha or whatever the hell your name is, good job girl.

Where to next boys and girls? Next we will go into the Land the MADGE built. Madonna is many things, a great giver and supporter of charities, a master at reinvention, and constantly at the age of 40. What she's not is humble. Now lets think about if we were Madonna. How would you act if you had shitloads of cash, gays that would probably jump of bridges for you, and a hot young athlete who is about 30 years younger than you to bang at night? My guess is pretty fucking happy, and unable to judge the outside world and yourself properly (aka. Britney). Now I didn't know that Madonna was Micheal Jackson's clone, but there you go. Also Madonna made me feel very shamed to think that MJ might have been a child molester, and that I didn't buy his last album, but neither did she apparently. She tried, she failed with the worst ulogy you could have ever made, but at least it wasn't Jermaine up there.

Next stop on the Vicodin tour 2009 is my favorite ex-cocaine addict hermaphrodite. LADY GAGA! Now Miss Gaga is a whole new bucket of crazy to some folks, but us gays are not shocked. I've seen a drag queen fake an overdose on stage, so La Ga (new slang term for Lady Gaga) and her crazy outfits are nothing new to me. Now the song she preformed was her new single "Paparazzi" which I of course love. I personally would have like to see "LoveGame" but I got over it. Now what I was really impressed with was the fact she singed the whole time, and not Ashlie Simpson singing. Now what made me go "Oooooahhheee" was her BIG OL crazy eyes. Now I get the whole performance art thing she is doing. Especially the whole paparazzi/death thing. But wouldn't you love to have been a fly on the wall in say and Alamabian home when they were watching that. "Tarnation!!" Indeed.

Now to the ASSHAT of the night. Kanye West. Now the funny thing about that is, I knew people that were shocked at his behavior. This is the same Kanye that when he lost last year he was going to ban himself from MTV. He also said "fuck you" to alot of people too. So shocked I was not. But to do that to poor little Taylor Swift was just stupid. This is the girl that talked shit on the Jonas Brother after he broke up with her. This girl does not come to play, she'll castrate you. Was he a jackass like Obama said? Of course he is, but he always has been, and people still buy his records so I guess 50,000 people dont care. But I think that Kanye might have cut himself a little too deep because he was mean to a young white girl, and white people don't like that. Remember Kanye you have lots of money, make good music, and have loads of fans; but don't piss off the white people, those fuckers hold grudges.

Now I'm gonna end on a high note (LAAAAAA!!). Anyways the best of the night was all the dancers and my main girl Janet doing the tribute to Micheal Jackson. It was good to see Janet dancing and preforming the way she used to when I was a kid. I love her...period.

Well the VMAs had alot of good thing, some bad things, but mostly crazy celeb things. I just want to say thank you MTV. You might have gave us Speidi, which will send some of you to hell, but you've also given us moments that when we look at ourselves in the mirror we will always know we will never be that fucked up.

For all these moments and more go to http://www.mtv.com/ontv/vma/2009/ for the vids.

And It Begins

So here we all are, the first post. Now you may be thinking, "Why am I here? What have I stumbled onto?" The answer my friends, I hope we are now close enough that I can call you that, is a blog about everything you ever wanted to know, and alot of things you never wanted to even hear about.

Now this blog is soley about one thing and one thing only; comedy. I am here to hopefully make you laugh, and maybe so hard you will cry. (So would you please read it while pushing a thumbtack into your hand) This blog is also for the children because they are our future and shit.

Really I think if we look to the, um children for guidance we're uh, fucked. This is the generation that brought us Miley Cyrus, whom I love, and for that someone should be punished.

Here in this little corner of the internet we will talk and discuss things that need to be heard!! Like who's probably gay in Hollywood, and if they are a top or bottom. (*Cough*Ryan Seacrest*Cough*) Why does Britney not have a Nobel Peace Prize? (Please she so deserves it. In fact anyone who boned Kevin Federline should have one) How many pills is Lady Gaga actually on? (A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT) And this is just the tip of the iceberg folks.

I will also have stories about my own life, and my weight loss. But don't worry, there will be no seriousness on this blog. Unless someone dies, I'm not heartless, unless it's Pat Robertson, then it will be let the shit roll. But I'm here to make you laugh, or at least try to. I'm a whore to please, and since you most likely won't have sex with me, I might as well try comedy. Its the same...right?